So, P.F. Chang's has a new CEO. Again. Jim Mazany's the name, and apparently, turning around struggling restaurant chains is his game. Good for him, I guess. But let's be real, another CEO in less than a year? What in the actual hell is going on over there?
Brad Hill, the last guy, got the gig in April. Now he's out, supposedly leaving behind a "strong foundation." Right. And I'm the Queen of England. Look, I ain't saying Hill's a bad dude, but come on. You don't build a "strong foundation" in seven months unless you're building a freakin' shed. What was he even doing all that time? Tweaking the [pf changs menu]? Trying to figure out why the [pf changs lettuce wraps] aren't flying off the shelves like they used to?
Mazany's got a history, sure. Rosa Mexicano, Yardbird, Shell Shack... the guy's been around the block. And that turnaround he pulled off at Joe's Crab Shack? Seven years of same-store sales improvement? Impressive, I'll give him that. But P.F. Chang's ain't Joe's Crab Shack. It's supposed to be, you know, fancy. Or at least, fancier than Red Lobster. Will he try to make the [pf changs menu] more "crab shack" friendly?
Paulson's quote is just classic corporate BS. "Leaves behind a strong foundation..." Blah, blah, blah. It's like when a politician says they're "stepping down to spend more time with their family." We all know what that really means. I wonder what the real story is. Did Hill screw up? Did he and Paulson just not get along? Was there a disagreement about the [pf changs sauce]? Details are scarce, offcourse, because corporations never tell you the truth.
Mazany's marching orders are the usual: boost same-store sales, leverage in-restaurant experiences, increase traffic, accelerate new restaurant development, expand consumer packaged goods, and refine the fast-casual concept. It's like they pulled those buzzwords straight out of a textbook.
"Deliver bold flavors, immersive dining experiences, and innovative concepts that delight today's guests and shape the future of modern Asian cuisine." That's Mazany's quote. Translation: "We need to sell more [pf changs fried rice], make people feel like they're in a freakin' Asian paradise, and come up with something new so they don't all go to [panda express] instead."
But here's the question: is it really the CEO's fault? Or is P.F. Chang's just... outdated? The whole "modern Asian cuisine" thing feels a bit 2005. Maybe people want something more authentic. Or maybe they just want cheaper. Have they even considered that? What about the people looking for [pf changs gluten free] options?
And let's not even get started on the "consumer packaged goods initiatives." Last time I checked, frozen [pf changs] anything is an insult to actual food. Who's buying that stuff? Seriously, if you're eating P.F. Chang's from a box, you need to re-evaluate your life choices.
Oh, and before I forget, I had a horrible experience at a [pf changs near me] last year. The waiter was rude, the [pf changs chicken wraps] were cold, and the whole place smelled faintly of despair. Maybe that's the real problem.
So, what's next? Will Mazany be the savior of P.F. Chang's? Will he lead them to the promised land of endless [pf changs lettuce wrap] sales? Or will he be gone in another seven months, leaving behind another "strong foundation" for his successor? Honestly, who knows? According to Restaurant veteran named CEO of P.F. Chang's - Chain Store Age, Mazany is expected to boost same-store sales, leverage in-restaurant experiences, increase traffic, accelerate new restaurant development, expand consumer packaged goods, and refine the fast-casual concept.
Maybe P.F. Chang's should just focus on making decent food and treating their employees well. Just a thought. But hey, what do I know? I'm just a cynical columnist with a keyboard and a caffeine addiction.
