Alright, let's get one thing straight right off the bat: this Salehe Bembury "Satoshi Nakamoto" sneaker collab is either a stroke of genius or the absolute nadir of hypebeast culture. Maybe both? I honestly can't decide, and that's what pisses me off the most.
So, Bembury – who, let's be real, has been churning out more shoe drops than I've had hot dinners lately – has teamed up with some anonymous Bitcoin clothing label called Satoshi Nakamoto (real original, guys). And the result? A pre-dirtied, "weathered steel grey" monstrosity that looks like it was salvaged from a post-apocalyptic landfill.
The official description calls it an "industrial, techno dystopian colorway." I call it fugly.
But here's the thing: is it supposed to be ugly? Is this some kind of commentary on the grimy underbelly of the crypto world, all those rug pulls and shady ICOs finally manifesting as footwear? Or is it just a cynical cash grab, preying on the same dudes who still think wearing a Bored Ape Yacht Club NFT on a t-shirt is high fashion?
And look, I get it. Bitcoin's everywhere. From the White House to the dark web, apparently. But does that mean it needs to be on our feet, too? I guess Satoshi Nakamoto clothing label thinks so. They're all about that "crypto-inspired invisible exclusivity." Invisible exclusivity? What in the actual hell does that even mean? Is it like wearing a sign that says, "I invested in crypto in 2021 and now I'm trying to recoup my losses"?
Speaking of Satoshi, this whole thing reminds me of that Daira-Emma Hopwood nonsense from last year. Remember that? Some internet sleuths tried to pin the Bitcoin creator identity on her, based on… what, exactly? She's British, she knows crypto, and she likes privacy? Give me a break.
The article I read about it said the "affirmative case is circumstantial." No kidding. It's like saying I'm secretly Elvis because I like peanut butter and banana sandwiches. The article even pointed out that "no cryptographic proof or direct forensic link ties Daira-Emma Hopwood to Satoshi Nakamoto." You don't say!
Honestly, the whole thing stank of desperation. People so desperate to solve the Satoshi mystery that they'll grasp at any straw. And you know what? It probably hurt Hopwood more than anything, with the article mentioning that "leaders and colleagues in the Zcash ecosystem publicly defended Hopwood and condemned the harassment that accompanied the rumor." You can read more about the theory in this article: Satoshi Mystery Reignites: Is Zcash Engineer Daira-Emma Hopwood the Hidden Architect of Bitcoin?
Back to the shoes. This "Satoshi Nakamoto x Spunge Osmosis" is dropping exclusively at Dover Street Market in Ginza, Japan, on November 16, 2025. Ofcourse, because nothing says "accessible" like a limited-edition sneaker only available in one store on the other side of the planet.
Bembury's been pumping out colorways like crazy since launching his label. We've had the original Osmosis, the Vegas-exclusive Soka, even a collab with his book publisher, Rizzoli. Is he just trying to stay relevant? Is he running out of ideas? Or is he genuinely trying to push boundaries with this crypto-themed… thing?
I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting old and out of touch. Maybe the kids are gonna be lining up around the block for these things, and I'll be sitting here shaking my fist at the sky, ranting about the good old days when sneakers didn't look like they'd been through a garbage disposal.
But, seriously, what's next? A Dogecoin-themed Croc? An Ethereum-branded fanny pack? Please, God, no.
